Now we can move on to more pressing matters, like the fact that I, The Close Encounters KidTM, have just been assigned to investigate yet another CE. This time it's a Close Encounter of the Third kind, and it's such a special case that I have been given MUFON's ALL-NEW Document #PR-0017 detailing How to Conduct an Abduction Investigation!
How much of a BFD is this? This instruction manual was just approved by the MUFON Board of Directors this past January, and it still has red proofing marks on it. If it was any newer it would have a placenta.
And I have it! But I have been warned not to repeat or reproduce any part of it, so that's no fun. I can't tell you anything that's in it... but then again, I think I would be performing a public service to give you just a hint of the wonders that await you inside this document. For instance, I think it's okay to tell you that if you were to ever wake up in a strange bed with your pajamas on backwards, you may have been abducted by aliens. But see, if your life is anything like mine, there are so many reasons you might wake up in a strange bed with your jammies on backwards that it doesn't really feel like I'm giving away any big secrets. But that's really all I can say, so please don't ask me anything more about it.
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I was going to show you an amazing illustration from MUFON's all-new alien abduction investigation handbook, but I am legally prohibited from doing so. So here's a dreamlike image of a UFO instead. |
Did the little girl scream bloody murder? Nope. The entity's eyes had a "reassuring" look, and she was overcome with a sense of peace and safety, as though the entity was telling her that "everything was going to be okay."
Creepy, right? And, as in so many of these cases, also not creepy. What's interesting is that she does not report anything else. The story has no ending... Does that mean she was abducted? I intend to find out.
2 comments:
> if you were to ever wake up in a strange bed with your pajamas on backwards, you may have been abducted by aliens.
No doubt, as a safegaurd against false positives and widespread alarm, MUFON has combed the scientific literature for 1) studies documenting the average rate of backwards pajamas in non-abduction cases and 2) experimental surveys determining the various non-alien methods of arriving at the state of backwards pajamas.
Hmmm... you seem to know a lot about this. I'm a bit suspicious...
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