High Strangeness: Strange Markings

Monday, March 18, 2013

Strange Markings

Things have been pretty slow in the UFO investigation business lately. But, having just been assigned my first new case in three months, I thought it would be a good idea to look in on what's been going on with my fellow Certified UFO Field Investigators at the Mutual UFO Network...

So it was that, while catching up on recent issues of the MUFON Journal, I came across an article with the intriguing title, "Abduction Study Complete." When I saw that the article was written by Kathleen Marden, niece of celebrated UFO abductees Barney & Betty Hill, I decided it was definitely worth a look.

A while back, Marden and a MUFON colleague un-ironically named Stoner decided to study the reports of UFO abduction "experiencers" to see if there were any patterns or commonalities among them. Aside, of course, from the obvious commonality that they've all been abducted by freaking aliens, which I was able to deduce without studying anything at all. Anyway, to conduct their little study, Marden & Stoner invited abduction experiencers (AEs) and non-abduction non-experiencers (NAEs) to fill out some surveys on their websites. All good so far.

They asked the AEs and NAEs alike about things like: How many times have you been taken? Did you have conscious recollection of being taken? Were non-human entities present? Are you a happy person?

Here's what they learned:
  • Twice as many AEs are female as are male.
  • Most AEs are in their 50s (NOTE: I am 52!) (But I am a guy) (whew!).
  • Over half of AEs have been experienced at least 10 times.
  • Most AEs had conscious recall of the event, most were within 1,000 feet of an alien craft, most encountered non-human entities, and most recalled being examined onboard an alien craft.
  • Most AEs were happy people, although most reported having trouble getting to sleep or staying asleep.
  • 53% of AEs believe they can feel an implanted device inside their body, while 83% awoke after their experience to find strange markings on their bodies. And in this context, "strange" really means something.
  • 79% of AEs said that they developed new psychic abilities after their experience.
There's a lot more, and it's all pretty interesting, but my favorite finding, the one that excites me most, is this one: 68% of AEs reported that, after their experience, lights, TVs, radios and other electrical devices malfunctioned in their presence. Shit just turns itself off when one of those 68% of abduction experiencers walks into the room. They're like human Clappers.
The Clapper: alien tech?
This has given me an idea. When I'm done watching TV, it takes forever for me to find the remotes for the TV, the cable box, the surround sound system, the Blu-ray player, and then shut everything off for the night... If I had one of those 68 out of a 100 abduction experiencers in the family, I'd be living on easy street. I could just call them into the living room, watch all the electronics shut off, and then tell my personal AE that it was all a mistake and they can go back to doing whatever they were doing when I called.

Sadly, Marden and Stoner did not think to ask those AEs if their electric device turning-off abilities had had a positive effect on their lives. That would be worth studying.

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