Too Many Goals

I'm freaking out here. I'm finally catching up on the heaps of email from my superiors at MUFON and what I'm finding is a mess wrapped in a mess covered with a mess.

I only have the energy and patience to deal with one letter per post, so bear with me. The first letter came from Sxxxx, the new MUFON National Director of Investigations (DOI), and it made my head spin. Sxxxx is a real hands-on guy. He starts right out telling us that if we ever have a question, "large or small," we should come to him, and if we ever have a problem, "large or small," we should come to him. Basically, we should come to Sxxxx with anything of any size.

"I always say that MUFON has no problems…….only solutions." Sxxxx goes on. "It has been said that 'United we stand, Divided we fall.' Never have so few words meant so much." I don't know. "I hate you" is only three words and I think it means at least as much, maybe more. I'll have to bring this up with Sxxxx when I meet him. Except that I might not meet him, because he also says, "I have met only a few of you and really seriously doubt I will meet everyone but that is what the internet is all about."

Okay, so we probably won't ever meet. Seems like an awfully shaky start to an introduction letter, but I'll give the guy another chance...

"As you know, with new faces come new ideas," he continues. "I do have certain goals in mind and I am asking the State Directors to join me in my quest. "

Now we're talking. I love quests! I've always said this organization needs more quests and shorter meetings. So, what are your certain goals, Sxxxx?

Here's where the mess really starts. First, Sxxxx lists seven (7) goals. Then he lists another seven (7) goals that may be expanded versions of the first seven or may be seven completely different goals; it's hard to tell. Then, he breaks the second Goal #1 into three (3) more goals. So now I count seventeen (17) goals and I'm afraid to keep reading the letter. 

Especially since the typical goal reads like this:

"Goal #2……a new supplemental report form has been added for each report old or new.  It requires the investigators to fill in the required information in a basic short form.  I suggest that you begin with the basic questions pasted in a word Doc…cut and paste from the CMS onto the Word Doc…once finished, capture the entire document, resize the fonts to be the same, save the document…then cut and paste or save the short form onto the CMS.

"I have had this form brought to my attention on the first day as the DOI.  I am told that it is a waste of time and should only be used for Cat 3’s.  My answer to this is, this short form is being placed into the CMS programing and will soon be a searchable document.  We have a Scientific Review Group that is reviewing sighting reports for any scientific value.  This group is made up of MUFON members and not a third party.  This new short form has the priority data and can be read at a faster pace thereby cutting time.  So the faster everyone gets onboard the better.  Anyone needing to be trained on the use of the CMS please contact me by email."

Lord help me. I have no idea what the man is talking about, but he seems to be saying that the more time we devote to cutting and pasting and resizing fonts, the faster we'll solve the UFO mystery. Once again, ET is laughing all the way back to Alpha Centauri.

If aliens exist, do they laugh at us behind our backs like this little fellow?

Is there any hope for Sxxxx? I'm really not sure. Here's how he closes his letter:

"I am a straight shooter….I go by the rules…I don’t like under the table goings on…rumors…back stabbing…I will tell you exactly what is on my mind and I expect nothing less from each of you. Much like what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas......so it is with me....I over analyze everything while reading between the lines and I'm all about being a "Nuts & Bolts" Investigator. So let's all get organized. It goes without saying...you guys and gals are the life force and doing all the work and I won't ever forget that."

I like how Sxxxx compares himself to Vegas. I guess that means everything that happens in Sxxxx stays in Sxxxx, but that seems really uncomfortable. Also, I didn't think we were supposed to call UFO witnesses "Nuts." Or "Bolts."