My UFO Workload

Vxxxx, my MUFON State Director doesn't understand me. I emailed her the other day asking for more cases to investigate, and today she emailed all the Certified MUFON Field Investigators in the state asking if any of them could take over some of my cases for me. How does such a simple a message get so hopelessly garbled?

Anyway, to demonstrate my effectiveness, I turned in a case report just today, and I used the new case reporting form for the first time. A few weeks ago MUFON HQ in Cincinatti was threatening excommunication for anyone who failed to use this new reporting form, and now that I've used it I don't see what the fuss is about. See, to begin with I totally forgot about using the new form and filed my report on the old form... Then I got Vxxxx's email with her reminder to use the new form or else, and I quickly filled in the new form and snuck it in as an attachment to the old form. The thing is, there's not a whole lot of difference between the two.

But in case you ever wondered what an official Certified UFO Field Investigation case report looks like, here you go:

MUFON CASE MANAGEMENT SYSTEM

INVESTIGATOR – Mark O’Connell

ID # 18761

CASE NUMBER – 42930

BALLESTER-GUASP RESULTS - TOTAL CERTAINTY INDEX IS – 0

LATITUDE LONGITUDE – 44.4683430000/-88.1045645000

SYNOPSIS – Night sighting: Witness saw two white luminous oblong objects descend from sky and disappear behind a building

OBJECT DESCRIPTION – White, luminous, oblong, about twice the size of a car.

EVIDENCE - None

WEATHER INFORMATION – Clean, starry sky, no wind

WITNESS CREDIBILITY – Moderate; he could not be sure he was describing the objects accurately, but he was eager to know if anyone else had seen the same objects that night.

WITNESS INTERVIEW AND STATEMENTS – Witness was driving to work at 11:50 pm on Saturday, September 29, 2012, in an industrial section of Green Bay. There was no traffic and the streets had no lighting. He saw a lighted, oblong object in the sky, about 20 degrees above the ground, descending in a straight line towards some industrial buildings. Although he was only a few miles from Austin Straubel airport, he was sure this wasnt a plane; it seemed to move about the same speed as a landing plane, but there were no wings, no sound and no green and red lights. He pulled over and got out of the car to watch as the object disappeared behind a three-story warehouse that was about 300 yards away. He expected the object to reappear on the other side of the building but it never did. Then he saw a second, identical object approaching from the same direction and descending at the same speed and angle. The oblong, glowing object disappeared behind the same warehouse and did not appear on the other side.

He went back the next day to inspect the two fields where he thought the objects might have landed, but he did not find any signs of a landing.

NATURAL PHENOMENON OR MAN MADE - Unknown

CORRELATING CASES - Unknown

CONCLUSIONS – The witness could not provide enough details to be sure of what he might have seen. Had he investigated the possible landing site at the time of the sighting, he could have gotten much more information, but he had to go to work and wasn’t able to follow up until the next day.

Pretty neat and orderly, isn't it? Too bad I had to classify the sighting as "Unknown," but the witness, sincere as he was, just didn't give me much to work with. And as a result, I am submitting my first UFO case report with a Ballaster-Guasp Certainty Evaluation of... ZERO. Do you get it? After all this work, filling the form out twice when I could have been playing solitaire, it turns out that there is absolutely zero certainty that this sighting even happened! I'm used to getting 12s and 13s on my cases, and I just got a zero. You have no idea how heartbreaking that is for me...