It Is Time

This week, at last, I will set out to take the MUFON Field Investigator's Examination. After months of research and study, after tangling with two MUFON International Directors, after having my own two UFO sightings investigated by MUFON operatives, it is time.

When you go to take the exam, the first thing you discover is that it's not just an exam... There's a whole mess of documents that you need to fill out and submit to the High Council "before your Field Investigator status will be activated or access to CMS will be granted." Among these documents are:

• Field Investigator Personal Info
• Field Investigator Test Answer Sheet
• MUFON Volunteer Disclosure Statement
• Field Investigator Volunteer Agreement ("At Will" Agreement)
• Field Investigator Confidentiality Agreement

They want to know my name. They want to know my fax number. They want to know if I've ever been convicted of a felony. And then, because they don't trust me, they want to do a background check on me, too. Then they want me to sign a confidentiality agreement. Which is fine, except I'm confused about item #4: "All findings, including but not limited to the following: measurements, photographs, video of any kind, drawings, renditions, witness testimony, hearsay evidence, and writing." That's where the sentence ends. I have no idea what they want me to do with all my findings, but I guess it means they trust me to do the right thing.

And that, my friends, is the hard part. The exam itself is ridiculously easy, and if I don't pass this sucker I really don't deserve to be in the UFO racket at all, ever.

Take Question #1. Please.

Ethics. They're a bugger.

Q1. The objectives of the Code of Ethics of MUFON are...
a. to promote free and dispassionate investigation of UFO sightings with due regard to the rights of the percipients
b. to promote an understanding of the aims of MUFON by percipients and the community in general
c. to protect MUFON and its representatives from public censure and legal problems
d. all of the above

Then, turn to page 7 in the MUFON Field Investigator's Manual, and look under the heading entitled "Objectives of the Code of Ethics." There you will read the following: "The objectives of the Code of Ethics are: to promote free and dispassionate investigations of UFO sightings with due regard to the rights of the percipients; to promote an understanding of the aims of MUFON by percipients and the community in general..." and so forth.

Long story short: MUFON hands you the answers on a silver platter. Which, strangely enough, is what many UFOs look like.

But then there is the odd brain-twister like Question #89:

Q89. A form of non-verbal communication, reported as a result of some close encounter cases is called...
a. telemarketing
b. telepathy
c. telecommunications
d. telekinesis

Duh. As we learned in the last post, the only non-verbal communication that occurs in a UFO encounter is pantomime.

Funny story though: I once got a call from a non-verbal telemarketer. I don't know what he was selling, but I bought a gross.