Dead Battery

Bad news on the UFO chase vehicle front... The dead battery from my trusty old Taurus is hooked up to the battery charger as I write this, and God only knows if it can be saved.

Without that battery I can't start the car, and if I can't start the car I can't drive it, and if I can't drive the car I can't respond to UFO sighting reports ("It Gets Me Where I Want to Go," 9/9/2011). I mean, sure, I could use my new car in a pinch. And, yes, I could use my wife's car if my new car wasn't available, but since nobody else in the household drives that would be really unexpected. The point is, I want the old Taurus and only the old Taurus to be my official UFO chase vehicle, because it's so solid and sturdy, it's one of the few places where I can still play my old cassette tapes, it's completely paid for, and, frankly, I don't want the new car to end up in the sights of same alien laser cannon.

So I must get the battery working! And then I must get to work on the transformation. I must somehow get the Taurus from this:

...to this:

I only have a few months, a few tools, and, to be honest, a few dollars. It should be easy enough to find or fabricate a radar dish for the roof, and maybe someday I could even make it functional, but the tank treads and laser-proof bodywork will really stretch my abilities.

I think it's time to see if FUFOR, the Fund for UFO Research, is really as broke as its website seems to suggest...