High Strangeness: The Shitty Parents of The Children of Roswell

Tuesday, March 22, 2016

The Shitty Parents of The Children of Roswell

Imagine yourself in this scenario:

You've recently been witness to a UFO crash site on a remote ranch in New Mexico. Maybe you discovered it yourself, or maybe you heard about it from another rancher and went to take a look, it doesn't matter. The point is, you saw it, and you were so excited that you took a piece of the wreckage home with you and hid it, because it was indestructible and you knew there was something weird and top-secret-y about it.

Now also suppose that you also saw the bodies of dead aliens near the crash site, but you decided not to take one of the bodies home with you because, hey, you already have a piece of indestructible wreckage. Why be greedy?

Then suppose that a really scary military dude showed up at your house some time later, confiscated your hidden sample of indestructible wreckage and threatened you. "If you tell anyone about this," the scary military dude snarled at you, "we will kill you and your entire family." Then suppose that over the next few days your kid sensed that there was something weighing on your mind and asked you, "Dad, what's weighing on your mind," and you said, "Well, son/daughter, I recovered a fragment of indestructible wreckage from a crashed flying saucer (while opting not to bring home one of the dead alien bodies found nearby), and the military confiscated it and told me that if I told anyone about it they would kill you."

Would you really be that dumb? Of course you wouldn't! Why would you endanger your child's life? What kind of shitty parent are you?
At least they haven't brought up the slides... Not yet, anyway.

Yet this is what the authors of the new book "Children of Roswell" want us to believe was playing out at ranches all over New Mexico in July, 1947, after the supposed Roswell UFO crash took place. All sorts of shitty parents in the Roswell area, apparently, were putting their kids' lives in danger that summer by telling their kids the one thing they were never supposed to tell anyone if they wanted their kids to stay alive.

Now, I know you're wondering why I, an avowed Roswell skeptic, would be reading such a book. Well, ever since Don Schmitt, the co-author of the tome I've just referenced, challenged me to a "Roswell debate" to take place next October at the Milwaukee Paranormal Conference, I feel obliged to review my opponent's writings on the subject, no matter how unpleasant that may be.

So here I am, just a few chapters into his new book, thinking, "Is this all you've got?" Because the only explanations I can come up with for the "telling your kids the very secret that will get them killed if you tell them" scenario are 1) these ranchers were, as I've mentioned, really shitty parents, or 2) they didn't take the death threats seriously, because they knew it was all a big joke. Either way, it doesn't make a real strong argument for the veracity of the authors' claims.

Also, how do you recover wreckage of something made of indestructible material? It's indestructible! I've never been able to figure that one out.
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