High Strangeness: UFO Meat Market

Thursday, June 4, 2015

UFO Meat Market

Well, the aliens sure came up with a brilliant way to invade the earth...

It has been announced that George Noory, the man who stays up all night talking about UFOs on the radio, has just launched a dating site for those of us who have "an interest in the paranormal, science, life after death, ghost stories, Bigfoot, UFO’s, alternative medicine and conspiracy theories." It's paranormaldate.com and I'm convinced it's either going to revolutionize dating or cause the extinction of the human race.

How did Noory come up with such a brilliant idea (and make no mistake, it is a brilliant idea)? I'll let him describe it in his website's own words...
George Noory, syndicated radio host of Coast to Coast AM, heard on nearly 600 radio stations nightly, created Paranormal Date, after seeing a need from his massive, loyal audience. Noory says, I keep hearing the same thing at speaking events around the country, “George, I need a place to meet people of like-mind, that understand me and my interests.” From that, Paranormaldate.com was born!
Want to have a Close Encounter of the 69th kind? Paranormaldate.com! Want to go Bigfoot hunting, but send a clear message to Bigfoot that you're already taken? Paranormaldate.com! Want to start a conspiracy theory, but stymied because by definition it's impossible to have a one-person conspiracy? Paranormaldate.com!

Well, that's what Noory and his alien friends want you to think it's all about. In reality, Paranormaldate.com has nothing to do with finding love, and everything to do with evilness and world domination. Think about it: if the aliens are able to pair off all the people who know they exist into couples, it will take them half the time to eliminate all the undesirables when they launch the attack.

The alien-human hybrid in "V" was born in, like, 6 minutes.
Worse yet, if they use Paranormaldate.com to set up unwitting humans on dates with aliens we could be overrun by a race of evil alien-human hybrids nine months from now. Even sooner, if alien babies don't need nine months to gestate, which they probably don't. They never do on TV.

The fiends! Using our desperate need for love and connection to wipe us out! Using a human meat market as a human meat market!

On the other hand, maybe Noory's just burned out and figures if he can set up some of his fans with girlfriends and boyfriends, they'll have something to do at night and won't call into the show so much.
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