High Strangeness: UFO Irony!

Thursday, June 11, 2015

UFO Irony!

There's a chapter title in the book "The Real Area 51: Inside Wright-Patterson Air Force Base" (2013, New Page Books) that adds a heaping dose of irony to the the Roswell Slides clusterfuck (as if it needed any more).

"The Real Area 51" was written by Thomas Carey and Donald Schmitt, of course, so its contents have special relevance at the moment. The title of Chapter 15 is -- and I'm not making this up, folks --
"Dr. J. Allen Hynek: Dupe or Accomplice?"
Do you think maybe we start asking that of Carey, Schmitt and the rest of the Roswell Dream Teamers?

BONUS IRONY: Don't ever say this blog doesn't deliver. I have just noticed another huge irony on the pages of "The Real Area 51", this one on the dedication page. It reads:
"Dedicated to the fond memory of
Dr. J. Allen Hynek, who was enough of a scientist to admit he was wrong"
Kind of blows your mind, doesn't it?

NOTE: I would include scans of these pages, but I only have a Kindle copy of the book. I will leave it to the expert photoanalysts to determine whether or not that's what the book really says...

Maybe they should have used one of these... It might have been more accurate.


Tom said...

Usually conmen have at least a certain degree of intelligence about them. These Sliders are "Special" conmen. Perhaps we could have a Ufologist Special Olympics.

- Events would include composing a connect the dots PhD dissertation in crayon (my money is on Carey);
- A burrito in the shape of a mummy eating contest(Vegas has Maussan heavily favored);
- A rewriting of the same book over & over again competition (Dolan, hands down);
- A race to see who can mock up the most authentic looking new MJ 12 document (I see this as too close to call);
- A sprint to lose credibility by supposed experts (Doble here, but he's only an expert in Carey's mind);
- A drawing contest to see who can come closest to Mark's Badly Drawn Alien Boy on a Post-It Note (Vegas took this one off the board as Schmitt claims to be a medical illustrator);
- And, of course, a race to see who can put their toupee on the fastest (Hoagland is brought in as a ringer to give Schmitt some serious competition in this one).

In the end, they all get participation trophies & sashes, and then juice boxes & cookies are enjoyed by all.

Maussan will stream it live ppv.

Mark UFO'Connell said...

You, sir, are a genius! I nominate you to put this brilliant project in motion!

Tom said...

Mark -

Ha! I am just a Simple Unfrozen Caveman UFO enthusiast. How can I possibly understand the intricate workings of your modern world? How could I, a Neanderthal, compete with such an intellect as Jaime Maussan? I am frightened by the otherworldly specter of the magnificent dead animal which resides on Don Schmitt's head. For - I am just a Simple Caveman.

Then again, I have heard of this concept called money. Perhaps if I dig up my Great Uncle, Piltdown Man, and present what's left of him to Maussan, he will surely give me $10,000. Is that enough to put on such an event?

I am just a simple Neanderthal who, 100,000 years ago fell into a glacial crevasse, or, as I call it, "Big Giant Hole in Ice", thus preserving my body well enough for Jaime Maussan's scientists to thaw me out in 1988. I subsequently studied paranormal studies at the Oklahoma City University School of Paranormal Studies.

Although I am a successful, well-dressed UFO enthusiast, I am indeed still but a simple-minded caveman. But I do own a home on Martha's Vineyard.

Things in the modern world frighten and confuse me. For example: When I see a solar eclipse, like the one I went to last year in Hawaii, I think "Oh no! Is the moon eating the sun?" I don't know. Because I'm a caveman - that's the way I think.

But, alas, there is one thing I DO know - The Sliders perpetuated a hoax which has efficaciously ended Ufology as we knew it. Please forgive my pedantic ramblings, for I am but a Simple Caveman.

Mark UFO'Connell said...

That was fucking brilliant! I could actually hear Phil Hartman's voice in my head as I read it.

Tom said...

Ha, yeah. The late great Phil Hartman. One of my all time favorites. And, btw Mark, thanks, but I'm just trying to keep up with you in the humor department. You've set the bar damn high. But these childish Sliders are comedy gold, Mark. GOLD! I hope this thing goes on forever.

purrlgurrl said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
purrlgurrl said...

Maussan is now claiming that this is a painting of a mummy done on a photo of an empty glass shelf.

These goons are never gonna run out of gas, it seems.

Mark UFO'Connell said...

I agree they are a bottomless pit of comedy, and we know it'll never end because THEY WILL NEVER GO AWAY!

Terry the Censor said...

> efficaciously

Archeolinguistic studies confirm that was, indeed, the most frequently used word by cavemen. Number two was "ack!"

Tom said...


Ha! Yeah, I threw that 25 cent word in there as an homage to Phil Hartman. His character in the SNL sketches, "Caveman Lawyer", acted like he was completely unfit for the courtroom, until his closing remarks, where he would reveal himself to be a polished erudite attorney while speaking to the jury.

Mark UFO'Connell said...

That was one of my all-time favorite SNL skits. Funny thing is, Dom Schmitt reminds me of the Frozen Caveman Lawyer in a suit. Come to think of it, Phil Hartman would have been the perfect choice to play Schmitt in the much-anticipated "Magic Men" movie!

Jack Brewer said...

I hear that ol' boy that has the latest slide of the mummy - the one that Jorge Pereda found - didn't have anything but a photo he took in a museum. He wasn't a spy and didn't know any presidents or nothin'. He just had a picture of a mummy that wasn't an alien or anything. What kinda crap is that?

Terry the Censor said...

> He wasn't a spy

Jack, you're not thinking like a conspiracy nut.

Isaac Koi says the photographer was in the Air Force at the time, and the Air Force ran Project Blue Book, and PBB was a government coverup, therefore, this new photo is disinformation to discredit ufology!

I could continue, but you take my point.

Tom said...

I'm waiting for ol Jaime to accuse Mark OC & Jack of being government disinformation agents. That Bill Moore hoaxed the recently released documents from the NPS. That the newly released photos of the mummy child from the NPS were actually drawn by Don Schmitt (the medical illustrator?!). That the RSRG is a contract agency of the CIA. That he is suing the Bilderberg Group for masterminding this exposition of his alien. And finally, The U.S. National Parks Service is comprised of members of The Illuminati.

purrlgurrl said...


The U.S. National Park Service are The Illuminati? Could this explain all the Missing 411 in the National Parks? Somebody (I vote for you) should tell David Paulides.


Jack Brewer said...

Reading comments here makes me feel like I'm watching Mystery Science Theater 3000! If you guys ever decide to quit your day jobs, I think you could have bright careers ahead of you in the corner of the silver screen.

Tom said...


At this moment I am attempting to get into contact with Paulides. I have learned that the CIA has put him into a Deep Underground Military Base in the Pacific Northwest where he is proclaiming to be the Supreme Leader of the Nordic Whites Aliens. He purportedly has an old pair of George Adamski's underwear on his head, which he claims is a tiara given to him by the Nordic Whites as recognition of his status.

I have issued a subpoena to produce Adamski's underwear, in order to have it analyzed for alien DNA.

Let me assure you, I will not rest until I find the whereabouts of the Missing 411. Richard Hoagland has offered to initiate a kickstarter campaign to fund my efforts. To prime the pump, he has put his toupee on ebay. So far, the highest bid is 23 cents, which Hoagland says is irrefutable proof that NASA knows about an alien face buried deep within his rug.

In closing - my working hypothesis is that the Missing 411 have been sent to Alpha Centauri on a mission to discover and retrieve the Star Children which Steven Greer and Linda Moulton Howe have conceived.

purrlgurrl said...

Tom, regarding Alpha Centuri

I have only one word for you (well, actually a lot more) . . . could that be Project SERPO?


Tom said...

Project SERPO? Never heard of it. Oh well. Gotta leave now, my buddy Richard Doty is having an intergalactic kegger.

Anonymous said...

"He purportedly has an old pair of George Adamski's underwear on his head . . ." Is that a stain on his character?

Mark UFO'Connell said...

Wow, I go out of town for a few days and the conspiracy nuts take over...