High Strangeness: Getting Rich Off UFOs

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Getting Rich Off UFOs

I don't know why I didn't think of this sooner. It's been in front of my nose for the longest time, and I never gave it a thought until today.

It turns out that there is one very easy way to get rich being a UFOlogist. All you have to do is collect the prize money!

What prize money, you might ask? Oh, it's out there, just begging to be claimed. One award is for a cool $100,000, and the other is for One Million freaking dollars! All you have to do is prove that UFOs and paranormal phenomena are real, and you walk home $1,100,000 richer.

Who is putting such whopping amounts of money at such perilous risk, you might also ask? What kind of damn fool would lay so much in the line?

Well, the first award, the one for $100,000, is being offered by James Fox and Tracy Torme, the filmmakers behind a long-planned movie called "701," which refers to the 701 UFO cases from the Air Force's Project Blue Book files that remain unexplained. Does anyone else see the problem here? If the filmmakers plan to make a two-hour movie they will only have 10.27 seconds to devote to each case, which is even less time than Blue Book gave them.

Anyway, the website for the film has a lot of sinister clouds and voiceover clips and stuff, and boldly claims that 701 is "THE NUMBER THE GOVERNMENT DOES NOT WANT YOU TO KNOW." Which is a bit like saying "Tuesday is the day the government does not want you to know." Why would the government not want you to "know" a number, and how the hell are they going to stop you from "knowing" a number? It makes absolutely no sense.

But the $100,000 is serious. "...we're offering a $100,000 reward for the best proof that some UFOs are alien spacecraft," Fox told the Huffington Post way, way back in February, 2013. "This material can be in the form of a photograph, video or film footage or debris from an alleged crash site. But it must be able to withstand scientific scrutiny by our chosen panel."
 
You can expect to see this truck pulling up my driveway any day now... It will be a lot lighter when it leaves.

You know what I say to that? QED. While Fox makes it sound as though his "scientific panel" will be hard to fool, anybody who pays even the slightest bit of attention to the world of UFOlogy knows damn well that people like Fox and his panelists are Jonesing so hard for real proof that they will be unbelievably easy to dupe. I am, even as I write this, carefully preparing a smorgasbord of unusual crystals, absolutely not-of-this-earth metallic fragments, hard-to-explain photographs and inexplicable alien encounters so convincing they would fool even the Roswell Dream Team.

In other words, consider the $100,000 mine. I am already drawing up the bank deposit slip.

The $1 million could be a little harder to get my hands on, but only just. The "One Million Dollar Paranormal Challenge" is being offered by the James Randi Educational Foundation, a group dedicated to debunking "the paranormal, pseudoscientific and the supernatural." In other words, unlike Fox and Torme, who apparently really do want someone to prove the reality of UFOs and so have offered only a measly hundred grand, Randi's foundation is pretty sure no one will be able to meet their challenge. So they think that $1 mill is pretty safe.

I call bullshit on that.
"At JREF, we offer a one-million-dollar prize to anyone who can show, under proper observing conditions, evidence of any paranormal, supernatural, or occult power or event. The JREF does not involve itself in the testing procedure, other than helping to design the protocol and approving the conditions under which a test will take place. All tests are designed with the participation and approval of the applicant. In most cases, the applicant will be asked to perform a relatively simple preliminary test of the claim, which if successful, will be followed by the formal test. Preliminary tests are usually conducted by associates of the JREF at the site where the applicant lives. Upon success in the preliminary testing process, the 'applicant' becomes a 'claimant.'"
This seems like a no-brainer. There is no "scientific panel." The "formal test" takes place in my own home, for Christ's sake. How could I not become the "claimant?" In fact, there's no reason why I can't present the very same evidence for this award that I presented to the "701" competition. Who's to say a fragment of unearthly metal from a UFO can't have psychic properties? And why couldn't the wreckage of a crashed flying saucer be haunted by the ghosts of its alien crew?

Imagine being able to prove the existence of alien ghosts! Does the fun factor not just rocket off the charts when you combine those two words?

So yeah, my future is looking pretty rosey... There is one thing that's nagging at me, though. I've just been looking through the August issue of the MUFON Journal, and it's chock full of photos from the recent MUFON 2014 Symposium held in New Jersey. James Fox, of "701" fame, is in a whole lot of the photos, and he's in these photos with some people who have made pretty bold claims in the past about evidence of the reality of UFOs... Come to think of it, some of the folks listed in the production credits on the movie's website have also made some bold claims about UFO proof. Why haven't any of these people claimed Fox's $100,000?

1 comment:

Curt Collins said...

As I recall, 701 is only paying for the best evidence of alien visitation, show there are going to be some long faces when this is over, and the competion could get ugly.

If I were to compete, my strategy would be to only focus on snagging an alien with paranormal powers, so I could fo a 2-fer, scooping the 701 and the Randi prize.

Coming soon to H2? If 701 is like a lot of films, it could spawn a TV spinoff. We might be in for a weekly show with contestants competing for the best ET proof of the week.