High Strangeness: General Panic

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

General Panic

Well this one seems to have a died a quick, merciful death, so that's good anyway.

But it rankled me nonetheless that this was "News" for even one iota, because it's completely pointless and silly, and gives UFOlogy an even worse image than it already has.

"Grandmother says Wright-Patterson UFO and alien stories are true" read the July 24th headline on www.mufon.com and OpenMindsTV.com 

I admit, I was sucked right in. UFOs? Grandmas? Aliens? Wright-Patterson AFB? Man, this story has it all! I have to read this! So I read it and in about two seconds realized that the headline was in fact completely misleading. No, it was worse than misleading; it was false.

And it really bugs me, because, as I said, this is being presented to the world as serious UFO news, and yet you barely have to be evolved beyond an amphibian to be able to figure out that it's pretty much completely bogus. How is this helpful?

See, here's the problem: the headline is written in present tense, as though describing events that just happened, but it is in fact describing things that were alleged to have happened many years ago -- if they happened at all, which is not at all certain, because all we have is hearsay and innuendo. According to the headline, the Grandmother in question has just announced to the world, via the MUFON website, that the stories about UFOs and aliens being kept at Wright-Patterson Air Force Base are true, but the Grandmother is no longer with us. In fact, she died years ago. That's a problem, because how does a dead Grandmother announce anything?
Wright-Patterson AFB: aliens check in, but they don't check out.

The report was actually filed recently by the dead Grandmother's grandson, who I'm sure is a very nice fellow but who nonetheless has made some very sketchy claims. For one thing, there is nothing in the story to suggest that the Grandma, when she was alive, ever actually stated that the "Wright-Patterson UFO and alien stories are true." All the grandson actually asserts is that his Grandma and Grandpa lived in Dayton, Ohio in the early 1960s, and that they knew a "high-ranking" guy who was stationed at Wright-Patterson. When this "high-ranking" guy they knew retired from active service, the grandson reports, the Grandmother asked him if the UFO and alien stories were true, to which the "high-ranking" guy reportedly said, "If the public knew what was at the base from the Roswell incident, there would be a general panic amongst the public."

The Grandmother's response? According to the report, "The woman did not ask any more questions."

Hmmmm.... several things (that should have been obvious to the headline-writer) pop out.
  1. According to the grandson, Granny asked the friend about Wright-Patterson specifically, so why would the friend have brought Roswell into the conversation?
  2. Why would the Grandmother know anything about UFO and alien rumors in the first place, and why would she ask her "high-ranking" friend about them?
  3. Just because he's retired, why would the "high-ranking" guy see fit to make such a provocative statement to a civilian?
  4. Who "knew" anything about crashed UFOs and captured aliens in the early 1960's? This is a good ten years or more before Jesse Marcel started singing like a canary about the supposed Roswell incident.
  5. The woman did not ask any more questions? Are you fucking kidding me?
Let's just recap: the "witness" is long dead; the "report" is all second- and third-hand hearsay; the "facts" don't actually add up at all... But I guess we're supposed to believe the story because the grandson reports that his dear departed Granny "was the most witty, honest and candid person I’ve ever met."

Uhhh.... Has there ever been anyone who ever lived, ever, who didn't think his or her grandma was the most honest person they'd ever met?

File this one under 'S' for Stupid.

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