High Strangeness: Removing Alien Implants and Other Weirdness

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Removing Alien Implants and Other Weirdness

My son Cxxxxx is planning to go to medical school, and the other day, trying to be a helpful, involved Dad, I suggested that he specialize in alien implant removal. After all, the world's only specialist in alien implant removal, podiatrist Dr. Roger Leir, recently passed on, leaving the field wide open. There's probably big money to be made there, although the conventions will be very quiet. When I told my son that Dr. Leir had apparently been the only doctor specializing in this unusual practice, he dryly said, "I'm actually surprised there aren't more."

What's the take-away here? Well, first, my son is undoubtedly going to ignore my advice, which is to be expected. Although it seems that even if he did specialize in something boring like podiatry he could still change his mind later and start extracting alien thingies from people's noggins without much fuss.
Awfully nice of the aliens to insert a big black arrow pointing out their implant!

The second take-away is this: Much like the abandoned Sheriff's car in the museum in northern Minnesota, we seem to have a case of apparent physical proof of alien visitations that no one is bothering to broadcast to the doubting world. If Dr. Leir has been harvesting alien implants from his podiatry patients, shouldn't there be a room full of demonstrably alien devices in the good doctor's office or in his home? Shouldn't this be slam-dunk proof that we are being visited by aliens? I hereby volunteer to go to California, box up all the implants (assuming they have been de-goo-ified) and deliver them personally to the World Health Organization.

And there's a third take-away: Why does so much of UFO world have to be so damn weird? I mean, there's weird and then there's weird. There's someone claiming to have an alien implant in his or her head, and then there's someone claiming to be able to remove it using podiatry tools, but then not presenting it as proof that an alien put something into this person.

This third point is especially pressing today, because I have just been inundated with weirdness this past week. Once you get on a couple of these UFO mailing lists, Google groups and twitter feeds your life becomes a non-stop nightmarish gusher of freakiness that you are powerless to stanch.

And this is coming from a guy who loves weird! I truly love it, I do, but some of the shit that comes across my desk is just ridiculous.

It all started last week when a friend who had been vacationing in the southwest sent me a link to the "Integratron" and said he and his wife thought of me when they saw it. How nice. It's this kind of drum-circly thing in the California desert, and it was built by UFO contactee George Van Tassel, who received the blueprints telepathically from aliens. Ok, maybe I can be down with that, but not this:
"This one-of-a-kind 38-foot high, 55-foot diameter, all wood dome was designed to be an electrostatic generator for the purpose of rejuvenation and time travel."
And yet, old George Van T. isn't around to tell us more, because he kicked it in 1978. Hmm.

Shortly after that I started seeing synchronistic mentions of Skinwalker Ranch. 'Nuff said.

The weirdness got even weirder a few days later, when I saw a tweet referring to a UFO gathering called "Contact in the Desert," and made the mistake of following up on it. I had heard about CITD last summer when it debuted but didn't pay too much attention at the time. Turns out they're doing another one this summer, and it's got a star-studded lineup of speakers (including a guy who calls himself "Dr. Dream"), but what really struck me is that people are still complaining about last year's event because some of the speakers brought along personal guards who stood at the doors and wouldn't allow anyone to leave the hall once the speakers had started their presentations. That's not just weird; it's dangerous. And illegal. And weird.

This year's event features pretty much the exact same roster of speakers, so you have to wonder: Who the hell would go back this year?
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