High Strangeness: Removing Alien Implants and Other Weirdness

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Removing Alien Implants and Other Weirdness

My son Cxxxxx is planning to go to medical school, and the other day, trying to be a helpful, involved Dad, I suggested that he specialize in alien implant removal. After all, the world's only specialist in alien implant removal, podiatrist Dr. Roger Leir, recently passed on, leaving the field wide open. There's probably big money to be made there, although the conventions will be very quiet. When I told my son that Dr. Leir had apparently been the only doctor specializing in this unusual practice, he dryly said, "I'm actually surprised there aren't more."

What's the take-away here? Well, first, my son is undoubtedly going to ignore my advice, which is to be expected. Although it seems that even if he did specialize in something boring like podiatry he could still change his mind later and start extracting alien thingies from people's noggins without much fuss.
Awfully nice of the aliens to insert a big black arrow pointing out their implant!

The second take-away is this: Much like the abandoned Sheriff's car in the museum in northern Minnesota, we seem to have a case of apparent physical proof of alien visitations that no one is bothering to broadcast to the doubting world. If Dr. Leir has been harvesting alien implants from his podiatry patients, shouldn't there be a room full of demonstrably alien devices in the good doctor's office or in his home? Shouldn't this be slam-dunk proof that we are being visited by aliens? I hereby volunteer to go to California, box up all the implants (assuming they have been de-goo-ified) and deliver them personally to the World Health Organization.

And there's a third take-away: Why does so much of UFO world have to be so damn weird? I mean, there's weird and then there's weird. There's someone claiming to have an alien implant in his or her head, and then there's someone claiming to be able to remove it using podiatry tools, but then not presenting it as proof that an alien put something into this person.

This third point is especially pressing today, because I have just been inundated with weirdness this past week. Once you get on a couple of these UFO mailing lists, Google groups and twitter feeds your life becomes a non-stop nightmarish gusher of freakiness that you are powerless to stanch.

And this is coming from a guy who loves weird! I truly love it, I do, but some of the shit that comes across my desk is just ridiculous.

It all started last week when a friend who had been vacationing in the southwest sent me a link to the "Integratron" and said he and his wife thought of me when they saw it. How nice. It's this kind of drum-circly thing in the California desert, and it was built by UFO contactee George Van Tassel, who received the blueprints telepathically from aliens. Ok, maybe I can be down with that, but not this:
"This one-of-a-kind 38-foot high, 55-foot diameter, all wood dome was designed to be an electrostatic generator for the purpose of rejuvenation and time travel."
And yet, old George Van T. isn't around to tell us more, because he kicked it in 1978. Hmm.

Shortly after that I started seeing synchronistic mentions of Skinwalker Ranch. 'Nuff said.

The weirdness got even weirder a few days later, when I saw a tweet referring to a UFO gathering called "Contact in the Desert," and made the mistake of following up on it. I had heard about CITD last summer when it debuted but didn't pay too much attention at the time. Turns out they're doing another one this summer, and it's got a star-studded lineup of speakers (including a guy who calls himself "Dr. Dream"), but what really struck me is that people are still complaining about last year's event because some of the speakers brought along personal guards who stood at the doors and wouldn't allow anyone to leave the hall once the speakers had started their presentations. That's not just weird; it's dangerous. And illegal. And weird.

This year's event features pretty much the exact same roster of speakers, so you have to wonder: Who the hell would go back this year?

8 comments:

Archibald Wheeler said...

A list of gentle comments and recommendations:

"...podiatrist Dr. Roger Leir, recently passed on, leaving the field wide open. There's probably big money to be made there...

No. Dear God, No. Leir did not die exactly intestate, but certainly not wealthy. Not a good career choice. Besides, none of those Leirian alien implants were actually alien implants. Word to the wise.

" I hereby volunteer to go to California, box up all the implants (assuming they have been de-goo-ified) and deliver them personally to the World Health Organization."

No. I doubt the WHO would be very interested in a very small box of cysts, metal shards, and fragments of glass. Although, if you encased them in the new, transparent Carbonite II (tm), they would make an intriguing and dandy globular paperweight. Add glitter, too.

"Why does so much of UFO world have to be so damn weird? I mean, there's weird and then there's weird."

Yes. You mean, at the end there, really, really weird, don't you? How long have you been in "ufology"? Get used to "the weird." And, the ineffably bizarre, labyrinthine uber-strangeosity. Comes with the territory. Immerse yourself, bath in it, just don't inject it. I hear mainlining is just not that healthy, for some obscure reason.

" Once you get on a couple of these UFO mailing lists, Google groups and twitter feeds your life becomes a non-stop nightmarish gusher of freakiness that you are powerless to stanch."

Uhm... "powerless to stanch"? No. Unsubscribe. Create a spam folder with key word indicators. Check only occasionally, when super bored, for the LOL's. Watch funny cat videos on YouTube in the interim. Or slasher films, for the effete edification and relaxation you may derive therefrom. Thereof, therefore, therefrom? The last I just fabricated, 'cause sounds good. Ignore.

"...some of the shit that comes across my desk is just ridiculous."

Oh, yeah? Your computer screen is also a desk? I'm always amazed by IKEA's new digital furniture offerings. My PC screen also functions as a combo toaster and blender, and a stand-up workstation. Top that!

"...people are still complaining about last year's event because some of the speakers brought along personal guards who stood at the doors and wouldn't allow anyone to leave the hall..."

No. Yes. Maybe. The lovable, muscular Dr. G. We all know him, and despise him. I hear he gets quite a "workout" at the gym. Don't worry about that guy -- he's just kind of... nutty. Con... grifter... insert your own pejorative term here. The government's most useful tool in precluding any form of "Disclosure," ever. Any conference which would invite him is one to avoid at all costs. "Bleah..., as Snoopy used to mutter in disdain.

So. Now all your dilemmas are solved. You're welcome. ;-)

Mark OC said...

Thanks for that voluminous reply. I believe you have solved all my problems!

As I mentioned in the post, I do love the weird, but sometimes I need to vent...

;) said...

Whoosh!

Saucerspud said...

We're so on the same page regarding UFOlogy, Mark.

You have to vent because you so want there to be more legitimacy related to such a fascinating phenomenon. I too have been interested in UFOs since I was a kid. As we grow older, wiser and yes, more cynical it can get difficult at times to even make the effort to research that tantalizing 1-5% of sightings that are truly unknown. There's too many quacks, grifters, crazies and carnies that it can be demoralizing.

But still, there's that small percentage of UFO events where witnesses are credible...where there can be multiple witnesses...radar data, etc. Where there's enough elements to put a sighting into the truly unknown category. Which adds to the already huge mystery of what exactly is going on in the skies over our planet. That's what keeps me coming back.

BTW, Tony Bourdain and Queen of the Stone Age's Josh Homme visited the Integratron in an episode of No Reservations. http://www.travelchannel.com/video/an-acoustic-anomaly-15591

Mark OC said...

I also need to remind myself now and then that at some point, without warning, without intending to, I could easily end up adding to the weird...

I saw Bourdain's pics on the Integratron website and was impressed. My wife is a huge Bourdain fan, and everything he touches is uber-cool. Thanks for sending the link!

Archibald Wheeler said...

Another gentle suggestion:

You might try just taking periodic little "vacations" from the subject, just don't focus on ufology for anywhere from a few days to a week or two, and spend your time and mindspace working on other stuff, and intermittently make up "to do" lists of various other priorities to deal with.

Also, occasional visits to a park, the wilderness (yeah, camping!), or to a lake for a picnic are also good "soul refresheners."

Yard work, a bicycle expedition, frisbee golf, etc. are also good for just "being" and not living so much "in your head." Well, that's what I do to clear my mind.

Terry the Censor said...

> box up all the implants

Derrel Sims has a box of implants, which should tell you something about the credibility of the claims.

The Colbert Reports had Sims on in 2011. The implants are featured in the second clip.

http://thecolbertreport.cc.com/videos/cng4n9/difference-makers---galactic-edition-pt--1
http://thecolbertreport.cc.com/videos/oelxfx/difference-makers---galactic-edition-pt--2

Mark OC said...

That Colbert segment is pretty brilliant... But they did pick low-hanging fruit.