High Strangeness: UFO Pros and Cons

Thursday, January 30, 2014

UFO Pros and Cons

I've been in a bit of a quandary this week, wondering what I should write about.

On the one hand, I've had an extremely bizarre and unpleasant experience with a UFO writer who was not pleased by my recent post about Roswell, and chose to email me directly with his sarcasm rather than post a comment here in the blog so that everyone could weigh the merits of his gripes (or lack thereof). On the other hand, I've been putting more work into the concept of founding an Intergalactic UFO Research Center, and I seem to be building up at least a smidgeon of momentum.

So, fun topic or crappy topic? I choose fun!

Every chance I get, I have been talking up my idea of buying The Gobbler, the flying saucer-shaped restaurant that's for sale in Johnson Creek, Wisconsin, and turning it into a research library and museum featuring valuable UFO archives that are being stored in random basements and garages throughout the country... And people like the idea!

A friend who founded and operates a non-profit organization is giving me advice on how to create a 503(c) non-profit foundation. The folks who currently maintain these precious UFO files are all in favor of finding new & better ways to preserve these treasures. Tomorrow I'll be meeting with some crowdsourcing experts in Chicago who will be sure to have some good advice on how to raise funds from among the UFO faithful. And my wife Mxxxxx, who is a professional archivist, is fully committed to the idea. It's all very encouraging, except for one thing: Johnson Creek, Wisconsin does not have any UFO history of note that we can capitalize on.

It's not that Wisconsin doesn't have any significant UFO history, of course. The 1961 Joe Simonton pancake incident would be more than enough of a foundation on which to build a monument to UFO research, but Joe took possession of those pancakes in Eagle River, WI, and Eagle River is 250 miles away from Johnson Creek.
Joe and the Pancake

The only Johnson Creek UFO incidents of which I could find any trace were a meandering nocturnal lights sighting late last year and a sighting of "rectangular black bars" floating in the sky from 2006. Neither sighting was very spectacular. I mean, the black bars could have been, but the witness never asked any of the people around him if they saw the same thing he did, so we'll never know what that sighting might have been... What we need is an abduction. Or a saucer crash. Or a "Close Encounters of the Third Kind"-style mass UFO landing (complete with the return of every human who has disappeared under mysterious circumstances over the last 100 years). That would put this place on the map!

As I see it, there are two ways I can approach this: One is to appeal directly to ET to help me out. So ET, if you're reading this (and I know you are), come on down and do me a solid.

The other way is to concoct a hoax. A big one.

Now I admit, this may not be the best idea I've ever had. But it could be close. Purists may object, of course, but I can't let that bother me. Sometimes the ends justify the means.

Building a convincing full size saucer to "crash" in Johnson Creek or staging a mass CE3K landing both seem beyond my abilities and resources at the moment, but a "missing time" abduction, it seems to me, could be fairly easy to fake. And it could be done on a modest budget. Another attractive possibility that occurs to me is that someone might happen to discover an Atacama Humanoid somewhere in Johnson Creek. It wouldn't surprise me one bit to learn that a tiny alien carcass could become mummified in the arid, high desert climate of southern Wisconsin. Or how about a tiny mummified alien corpse clutching a tiny UFO pancake??

I think I'm off to a great start here, but what do you think? What kind of hoax would you stage if you were me and wanted to publicize the opening of an Intergalactic UFO HQ?


Double Nought Spy said...

Fun topic = good choice! It has been some time since the mummified remains of the Roswell event have produced anything more interesting than petty turf battles. I think Dr. Marcel's book might have been the last good thing to come out of it. I don't know, since I stopped paying much attention years ago. Now that the good doctor has gone on to his reward, it's not getting better as far as I can see.

It's great to hear about the interest in your Gobbler idea. Maybe some day the flying saucer shaped building will bear more resemblance to V'ger than a flapjack.

A "good" hoax is pretty hard to pull off, I imagine, but if you somehow include Bigfoot, that might help. The bar is set pretty low right now, as far as convincing the hard core bleevers in that arena. Air time is easy to come by, too, it appears. Seems like prime Bigfoot country.

Mark UFO'Connell said...

You're a genius! The Bigfoot tie-in is a brilliant idea. There is definitely some Bigfoot activity in this area that I could tie into. We're also very close to the stomping grounds of the Beast of Bray Road, aka the friendly neighborhood werewolf, so I could explore those possibilities as well!

John Keel's Ghost said...

Oh, boy. I gotta check this blog more often.

Funny stuff, but a couple things come to mind.

I really think it would be a terrible mistake to fabricate any kind of hoax, as such would most certainly be found out and backfire, with the consequent hit to your... reputation?

I know you only (probably) meant your comments in jest, but something along the lines you joke about has happened more than once, with some truly awful fallout. Remember MJ-12?

As for "the Gobbler" idea, or some central repository for UFO research files, I'd suggest a much better idea for any "kickstarter" or crowd-funding effort would be to digitize as many high-quality paper files and other media for online distribution, or a kind of "virtual UFO library" available to all, and not so much one place in Wisconsin for the actual files themselves.

After all, there are any number of "nuts" (both of the UFO "believer" and "debunker" ilk, among other just generic weirdos) who might take an "interest" in any such central paper files based in one locale like the Gobbler building, and vandalize such files or, worse yet, as happened in ancient Alexandria, simply burn the library down, and then all you have left are the ashes of misguided hubris. Or something like that.

Anyway, who from the East/West coasts is going to want to travel all the way to Johnson Creek, Wisconsin? Not me. Nor the vast majority of others. And, it's one thing to buy, rehab, and setup any such repository, but another to further fund the security, staff, maintenance (of both building and contents), and all the other costs on such an ongoing venture in "perpetuity" (like, oh, maybe a year or two, realistically).

No, a much better concept is like Google does with all the books they can get their hands on: digitize, index, make .pdf or other format searchable, accessible via the net, and keep the paper and other physical media secured, and distributed in anything other than one or two physical locations. That's a recipe for eventual destruction.

A decentralized, net-based resource (and, subscriptions or other online access fees for some files, data, etc. could be setup for cost funding) would be both safer, more freely available, and more likely to get serious funding and be able to be maintained, as the costs would start out relatively small compared to purchasing and fixing up a building for the purposes you desire. Think it through.

Unless, of course, "they" are suggesting, as part of the evil, deeply malign Roswell anti-conspiracy you have been tricked into becoming a part of, want you to pursue the "Gobbler concept" for their own horrifying and covert plans to "burn, baby, burn!" soon after such a facility opens for business, if ever. ;-}

Mark UFO'Connell said...

Good comments, all.
I used to love Mojo Nixon back in the day!
Of course I'm joking about the hoax idea, although it does hold some appeal as a form of performance art to draw attention to the new UFO center. AS long as I made it apparent up front that it was a play hoax and fessed up as soon as it was over... Of course, some people might still be fooled and offended, but that didn't hold back Orson Wells ;)
And while I agree that digitizing all of these valuable UFO research documents is a more pressing priority than assembling them all in one place, the fact remains that the original documents still need to be protected. And, like any good archive, it would have security & safety measures in place to ensure the integrity of the materials. Ultimately, it's got to be a two-step process.
And, to Anonymous, I consider myself a humorist and journalist, and it is my hope that by combining the two, my weaknesses in each will be less noticeable!