High Strangeness: UFO Pros and Cons

Thursday, January 30, 2014

UFO Pros and Cons

I've been in a bit of a quandary this week, wondering what I should write about.

On the one hand, I've had an extremely bizarre and unpleasant experience with a UFO writer who was not pleased by my recent post about Roswell, and chose to email me directly with his sarcasm rather than post a comment here in the blog so that everyone could weigh the merits of his gripes (or lack thereof). On the other hand, I've been putting more work into the concept of founding an Intergalactic UFO Research Center, and I seem to be building up at least a smidgeon of momentum.

So, fun topic or crappy topic? I choose fun!

Every chance I get, I have been talking up my idea of buying The Gobbler, the flying saucer-shaped restaurant that's for sale in Johnson Creek, Wisconsin, and turning it into a research library and museum featuring valuable UFO archives that are being stored in random basements and garages throughout the country... And people like the idea!

A friend who founded and operates a non-profit organization is giving me advice on how to create a 503(c) non-profit foundation. The folks who currently maintain these precious UFO files are all in favor of finding new & better ways to preserve these treasures. Tomorrow I'll be meeting with some crowdsourcing experts in Chicago who will be sure to have some good advice on how to raise funds from among the UFO faithful. And my wife Mxxxxx, who is a professional archivist, is fully committed to the idea. It's all very encouraging, except for one thing: Johnson Creek, Wisconsin does not have any UFO history of note that we can capitalize on.

It's not that Wisconsin doesn't have any significant UFO history, of course. The 1961 Joe Simonton pancake incident would be more than enough of a foundation on which to build a monument to UFO research, but Joe took possession of those pancakes in Eagle River, WI, and Eagle River is 250 miles away from Johnson Creek.
Joe and the Pancake

The only Johnson Creek UFO incidents of which I could find any trace were a meandering nocturnal lights sighting late last year and a sighting of "rectangular black bars" floating in the sky from 2006. Neither sighting was very spectacular. I mean, the black bars could have been, but the witness never asked any of the people around him if they saw the same thing he did, so we'll never know what that sighting might have been... What we need is an abduction. Or a saucer crash. Or a "Close Encounters of the Third Kind"-style mass UFO landing (complete with the return of every human who has disappeared under mysterious circumstances over the last 100 years). That would put this place on the map!

As I see it, there are two ways I can approach this: One is to appeal directly to ET to help me out. So ET, if you're reading this (and I know you are), come on down and do me a solid.

The other way is to concoct a hoax. A big one.

Now I admit, this may not be the best idea I've ever had. But it could be close. Purists may object, of course, but I can't let that bother me. Sometimes the ends justify the means.

Building a convincing full size saucer to "crash" in Johnson Creek or staging a mass CE3K landing both seem beyond my abilities and resources at the moment, but a "missing time" abduction, it seems to me, could be fairly easy to fake. And it could be done on a modest budget. Another attractive possibility that occurs to me is that someone might happen to discover an Atacama Humanoid somewhere in Johnson Creek. It wouldn't surprise me one bit to learn that a tiny alien carcass could become mummified in the arid, high desert climate of southern Wisconsin. Or how about a tiny mummified alien corpse clutching a tiny UFO pancake??

I think I'm off to a great start here, but what do you think? What kind of hoax would you stage if you were me and wanted to publicize the opening of an Intergalactic UFO HQ?

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