High Strangeness: UFO Boredom

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

UFO Boredom

Someone, please, save me from my UFO boredom... After months and months of being assigned spectacular Close Encounter cases and entity contact cases, and being named to the MUFON Top Ten of 2012, and being interviewed for the newspaper and stuff, the past few months have been an absolute drag.

I guess it all started a few weeks back when I was informed that documentary filmmaker Morgan Spurlock of "Supersize Me" fame was looking for an interesting UFO case to profile for his new CNN series, "Inside Man," and that one of my cases was being considered for the segment. The segment was going to show how a Certified UFO Field Investigator investigates a perplexing UFO case, and I figured I had a lock: I'm young, I'm telegenic, I'm articulate, and my cases, truth be told, kick ass. But then I learned that Spurlock had chosen a case in Georgia instead. Good luck with that, chum.
Good luck in Georgia! You'll need it.

Then I started getting all these boring ass cases assigned to me, almost as though I was being punished for being so good at what I do. Case after case was the same: glowing orange orbs, glowing white orbs, glowing green orbs, all silently zooming through the night sky from south to north and disappearing in the distance. Whoop-de-friggin-do.

And this is what the "investigation" consists of: The witness has described maybe three or four "facts" about the event in his or her report, so I call the witness and ask him or her to repeat those three or four facts, and then I write down those three or four facts and add them to the case report alongside the witness's original mention of the very same three or four facts. Not sure what this is accomplishing, really, but I know it's not a good use of my time.

Of course, tonight's interview had a twist. When I tried to cover the three or four facts with the witness, he kept adding more and more facts, none of which were relevant to the case in the slightest. In addition to hearing about his UFO sighting, I learned about how he has recently lost both his binoculars and his night-vision goggles. In addition to learning about the surrounding terrain where he saw the UFO, I learned that the trees in his back yard are actually cherry trees, and don't normally grow more than 7 feet high. In addition to learning that the white orb made no noise, I learned that the witness can identify any aircraft you can imagine just by hearing its engine noise, and that he could say for damn sure that the light was not a Robinson helicopter, or a Coast Guard Rescue Dolphin helicopter, or a Eagle Three Rescue chopper. Holy shit, witness.

And then there's the mini controversy I started at the MUFON State Director's Forum on Facebook by asking how many times I should try to contact a reluctant witness before giving up. It's been like five days and people are still posting opinions.

I need an entity. I need a CE3K. Shit, I'd settle for discovering an Atacama Humanoid.

3 comments:

Terry the Censor said...

> I'd settle for discovering an Atacama Humanoid.

Careful what you wish for.

Mark OC said...

Hahaha, words of wisdom...

Anonymous said...

Maybe you're just not cut out to do the kind of investigations that MUFON apparently expects.

If it's all that boring, perhaps, instead of complaining about it, you should do something else.