High Strangeness: UFO Fail!

Monday, April 8, 2013

UFO Fail!

I have learned a few valuable lessons about UFO field investigation: First, don't send a Certified UFO Investigator to do a State Section Director's job. Second, try to to avoid being named State Section Director in the first place, so you don't have to worry about this shit....

I just took a few days off from blogging and UFO field investigation to visit family in Atlanta, but I knew I was leaving an open Close Encounter of the Second Kind case only half investigated... That was causing me a lot of stress before I left town, but I though -- thought -- I had things nailed down at the last minute before I left.

Boy, was I wrong.

To recap: a couple weeks ago I was assigned the case of the luminous, refrigerator-sized UFO that shot across the highway 60 feet ahead of the witness' car and caused the dash lights to flicker. The flickering dash lights constitute "physical effects," making this an official CE2K, which is special. As part of my investigation, I walked around the vehicle with my trusty compass, and found a magnetic anomaly: every time I walked past the drivers door, the compass needle jumped about 30 degrees from north. I made note of it in my report, and then learned from Vxxxx, my State MUFON Director, that I should have videotaped the whole thing for proof, AND I should have drained the engine oil and collected a sterile sample of the oil along with the used oil filter... Oops. Investigation fail number one. 

Vxxxx asked me to go back and investigate the vehicle again but videotape the effects this time, but by then the vehicle was gone... No, it hadn't vanished as a result of the UFO encounter, although in retrospect I wish it had. Trouble was, by the time the witness' dad agreed to let me come back to to the magnetic anomaly retest and collect the oil, I couldn't do it. I had to leave, you know? Vxxxx told me she would do it, but she's still in Arizona. And if you're wondering why the Wisconsin State Director lives in Arizona, you're not alone. Investigation fail number two.
As a FREE bonus to my readers, I am enclosing this handy UFO spotters' guide.

Things were looking grim, until I was finally able to make contact with Kxxx, another Certified UFO Field Investigator in the neighborhood (Editor's note: we're everywhere!), and got his promise that he could go to the witness' house that weekend and do the magnetic anomaly case and take care of the oil change business. What a relief. I was able to leave town knowing that the investigation was in the hands of one of Wisconsin's most experienced investigators.

And now comes the final, spectacular fail. I found out today that Kxxx did not perform the magnetic anomaly retest because -- ahem -- he doesn't own a compass or a video recording device. Did he mention this small detail to me when I asked him to test the car with a compass and record it on video? NO, he did not. He said, "Okay, Mark, I can do that." To his credit, he did collect a motor oil sample and the used oil filter, and sent them to Fxxxxx, the national STAR Team investigator, to have it tested. But he was supposed to send it to Vxxxx first, so he's blown the whole "chain of custody" thing. Regardless, without the magnetic anomaly test, whatever information Fxxxxx is able to extract from the waste oil and filter may be completely meaningless. Which means that this whole affair could turn out to have been all for naught... Investigation fail number three and four.

That's a pretty complete failure in my book. And I'm not blaming it on Vxxxx, Kxxx and Fxxxxx, much as I'd like to. A big part of the breakdown is my fault, and one of the reasons for that was that I was not going to allow a UFO investigation, no matter how important it may be, to interfere with my personal life. And that's probably going to be an issue many, many more times, so I have to decide if it's all worth it. Am I helping the cause, or hurting it?

Unexpectedly deep, eh?

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