High Strangeness: UFO Surprise!

Friday, March 22, 2013

UFO Surprise!

A few days ago I blogged about my newest MUFON investigation assignment, and I'm happy to day that as of today I have positive results! I think I can even safely say that my results far surpassed my expectations...

I interviewed the witness over the phone earlier today and he told me a very short, succinct story: three nights ago he had been driving west down a two-lane country highway at about midnight. He was passing the outskirts of the small town of Dxxxxxx, so he had slowed to about 40 miles an hour. Suddenly, out of the corner of his eye, he saw something luminescent moving off to the south side of the highway. Being a Wisconsin driver, he assumed it was a deer with a death wish, and that that the luminescence was the reflection of his headlights in the deer's eyes.

But this was no ordinary deer. In fact, it wasn't a deer at all. In fact, it wasn't ordinary at all. It was a glowing thing that floated or hovered a few feet off the ground as it flashed across the highway in front of the witness' car. In that moment he saw that it was cylindrical, and about five feet long by two feet wide. In streaked past the his car and in five seconds disappeared into the woods on the north side of the highway.

There was one other thing: as the whatsis flashed past the front of his car, the car's dash lights flickered on and off a couple times, but the headlights were not affected...

He told me that the car would be available for inspection tonight, so I decided to drive the 30 miles to take a look-see. It just so happened that my route took me right past Paradise Road, a lonely, narrow, twisty little country road that has the distinction of being the creepiest road in our county. They say that if you park along Paradise Road at night, you can hear strange whispers coming from the woods...

I tend to believe the stories, for I have already had a strange experience on Paradise Road... A month ago, the day after one of our fierce winter storms, I took my wife for a drive on Paradise, and it was terrifying. There weren't voices; there was thick snow and ice, so slippery that my 4WD wagon nearly slid off into the ditch about a dozen times. It was then that we realized the truth: the county road guys are too scared to plow Paradise Road! Then we realized an even worse truth: if we skid into the ditch, no tow truck driver in the county will come out to rescue us!

We made it home, somehow, but we're scarred. So it was an act of pure bravery for me to venture down this horrible highway again. This time the road was clear, the sun was still out, and I was able to get a better look at the scenery. It's just a county highway, sure, but if you open your senses you can feel something...weird, and whispery.
The eerie sun through the eerie trees in the eerie woods along an eerie road... This is one Paradise that Eddie Money would not want two tickets to. Or one, even.
And now the story is about to get even eerier, if you can believe it.

I get to the witness' house and talk to his mom and dad, and they are very gracious and, like most lay people, they are curious to know more about my work as a Certified UFO Field Investigator. I explain to them only what I think their simple minds can absorb, and then the dad starts telling me a confusing story about an old letter that his mom wants him to show me... Uh... what?

Dad starts waving around an ancient US Postal Service Air Mail envelope and pulls out a ten page letter written to his mom in 1952 by a close friend of hers who happened to be an airline pilot. The letter describes how he had recently flown to an Air Force base where he had seen flying saucers and alien bodies. Dead alien bodies. Damn. I give the letter a quick look and it sure as hell seems legit. The dad says this letter has been a bit of a family legend, but that his mom had re-discovered it during a recent housecleaning, and gave it to him as proof that it had really happened.... I asked the dad to scan it and send me a copy, and as soon as he does I'll write about it here.

Anyway, so I'm still all dizzy from the dead alien letter when the dad leads me out to the driveway to where the car is parked. I walk around the car with my compass and everything looks kosher.... until I reach the driver's door. Suddenly the compass needle jumps 30 degrees west and points directly at the door. I try it again: same results. A third time: same results, only this time the dad was watching and saw it himself.

So, there is something in this car.... something weird and magnetic and possibly alive and possibly also atomic. It could be dwelling in the oil filter, or possibly one of the door pockets. My State Director just called and she wants me to go back and do the full FBI on this vehicle ASAP.

Oh, and she also wants me to be to Chief Investigator for the state of Wisconsin. Lord, what have I gotten myself into?

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