High Strangeness: Notes From UFO HQ

Sunday, September 30, 2012

Notes From UFO HQ

Now that I'm a State Section Director for MUFON I'm starting to get edicts from UFO HQ, and it's becoming clear to me that the organization is in a state of utter chaos...

Yesterday my State Director forwarded a letter from the MUFON Director of Investigations, and it's shocking. The letter is laid out in 8 bullet points, so you know it's serious. The DOI just starts right out barking orders and never lets up.

If I shared everything with you, I would be placing us both in grave danger, so I'll do a little editing for your protection:
The be-strapped cast of TV's "Chasing UFOs" never seem to have to follow any rules. Why?
  1. For some reason, photos and videos from witnesses must not be submitted to MUFON's photo experts until after the investigation has been completed by the Field Investigator. Apparently this is modeled on the age-old legal principle of not introducing damning evidence until after the jury has reached a verdict.
  2. Eight states (and one District of Columbia) do not have State Directors, so other SDs are being asked to take on new states. Some may see this as a problem; I see it as an opportunity. By the end of the day, I could be MUFON State Director for New Hampshire, Vermont, Rhode Island, Mississippi, Nevada, Utah, Alaska and Hawaii. Personally, I don't think Washington D.C. rates a State Director, because it is not a state and it doesn't have much sky. Speaking of small skies: New Hampshire, Vermont and Rhode Island barely have enough sky between them to have UFOs seen in. On the other hand: Alaska.
  3. There are 1,500 open UFO sighting cases from foreign countries just sitting there waiting to be investigated, and I am, alas, mono-lingual.
  4. MUFON's new Science Review Board is looking for scientists and engineers to volunteer. NOTE: they must be brilliant.
  5. There is a Board Meeting coming up, but I am not at liberty to disclose any particulars. 
  6. The "Insufficient Data" category for case disposition is under review. Until the new guidelines are announced, Field Investigators must continue to investigate until sufficient data is found.
  7. There is a serious problem with State Directors hogging all the good cases for themselves, leaving Field Investigators feeling sad and lonely. I believe I called this one a while back, thank you.
  8. A new report-writing format was introduced over 90 days ago, and some naughty Field Investigators have yet to adopt the new format. For this they will pay the ultimate price, says the mighty Director of Investigations: "The Executive Director has already authorized the inactivation of any Field Investigator who does not comply with the new directive." 
So, we're short on staff, we're unsure of our standards, and we're instigating a witch hunt. And I am part of it all.

1 comment:

Nxxx said...

So, uh.. How long until you're the national director of MUFON? I could DEFINITELY get a job talking about that during a job interview.