High Strangeness: I Am Disappointed In You

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

I Am Disappointed In You

Remember the scene in that one movie where Jack Nicholson yells, "You can't handle the truth!" and he yells it with such spirited enthusiasm that you can practically feel the spittle hit your face? Well, I have come to the uncomfortable but unavoidable conclusion that that sentiment is true of all of you...

You can't handle the truth! (spittle, spittle...)

How else to explain why so few of you have committed to join me in two weeks on "The Million Intruder March"? This is our big chance -- perhaps our only big chance -- to storm the gates of Area 51 and find out once and for all what the government is hiding there. Think of it: one million of us, bravely facing down the guards and demanding access to all the UFOs and aliens and ray guns hidden away inside those hangars... Our sheer numbers would be impossible for the guards to resist; some of them may even join us when they realize they're on the wrong side of history.

We can find out The Truth, folks, once and for all! That is, we coulda found out the truth, but we won't now, because I guess you can't handle the truth, so you've all decided to stay home on September 12th.

Buy why? Why can't you handle the truth? I'd really like to know. Do you want to keep on telling yourself, "Hey, UFOs are cool and all, but maybe they're actually not real"? Is that what it is? You need to keep clinging to that flimsy hope that maybe the government and my Uncle Bxx are telling the truth and there's nothing extraterrestrial at all at Area 51, so you can keep sleeping at night? Well, I've got news for you: by not joining me on this great adventure, you're going to sleep even worse. And you will never be able to prove that that car alarm going off continuously outside your bedroom window had anything to do with me.

You know what I'll have to do now, thanks to you? Now I'll have to get all those t-shirts changed from saying "2012" to "2013."

Because I'm not giving up. I'll find another million people who will join me, and we'll gather in Nevada a year and two weeks from now, on September 19th, 2013, and we will do this!
Mark your calendar: this is when the UFO mystery will finally be solved.

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