High Strangeness: Compass + Geiger Counter = Fun!

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Compass + Geiger Counter = Fun!

I am one lucky sonofabitch. MUFON is holding its 2012 International UFO Symposium this weekend in Cincinnati, OH, and I'm not going!

I know, that should make me sad, but it makes me happy. Why? Because while all the MUFON bigwigs are schmoozing and boozing in Cincinnati, all the juicy UFO cases get assigned to losers like me who are staying home this weekend!

Last night I was assigned to a case that has National Enquirer written all over it. It's a friggin' Close Encounter that took place just two weeks ago outside Milwaukee, WI, and it's HOT. A woman and her daughter saw a strange lampshade-shaped object hovering over the trees in their back yard. It's an official Close Encounter because the witnesses were within 500 feet of the object. That's cool enough on its own, but there's also a possibility that there were some physical effects involved...

This is my best attempt at a sketch of the UFO sighting, based on what little I know so far.
So I've been instructed to take a compass with me when I investigate, to see if the needle spins like crazy when I do my walk-through of the backyard or when I hold it up close to the woman's car. I've also been advised that a Geiger counter might become necessary... To that end, my State Director has contacted the S.T.A.R. Team, and a guy named Fxxxxx is standing by to ship me a Geiger counter in I need one.

My question is, how can I tell if I need a Geiger counter if I don't already have a Geiger counter?

Think about it: it's not like I can walk around the lady's yard and somehow sense that there's radiation present. Unless I just fry up like a strip of bacon on the spot. That would be a pretty good indication. So I think Fxxxxx should just ship me the damn Geiger counter -- along with, I would hope, some simple how-to guide -- and I can get down to business.

But it occurs to me that Fxxxxx must also be in Cincinnati, schmoozing and boozing. I very much doubt that he brought his Geiger counter with him, so who's going to send it to me? I think I know: another loser who couldn't make it to Ohio.

Great.

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