I Have a Patch

This is what it's all about, folks. This is what all the hard work, the months of suffering, the sleepless nights, the endless doubts -- this is what they're all about: The Patch.

I just received this patch in the mail today from Vxxxx, my Wisconsin State MUFON Director, to thank me for... something or other, I'm not really sure. Her letter started out "Guys--" so I know it wasn't just for me. Then she said something about "showing a little appreciation for what you're doing to help," and then... the Patch.

As you can see, it's fully embroidered, is made of a durable (earthly) material, is 4" by 4" by 4" and has the option of adhesive or sew-on attachment to your (my) MUFON FI shirt, jacket, duffel bag or "Go" bag.

Hmmm... That reminds me, I still have to put together my "Go" bag. Maybe this weekend.

Anyway, the question is, would I want this patch on my MUFON FI shirt, jacket, duffel bag or "Go" bag? Design-wise, it's a little busy. First you've got the three silver-headed, red-tailed sperm entering the silver egg (strange imagery, indeed, but maybe this is how human/alien hybrids are concieved). Then you've got the star map. And when I say the star map, I mean The Star Map, the interstellar travel guide given to UFO abductee Betty Hill by the captain of the spaceship that she and her husband Barney were abducted onto...

The Star Map. I know what you're thinking: "What kind of a crazy star map is that? The space is white and the stars are black!" To which I answer, "I haven't the foggiest. That's the way the image came up on Google." Just try to pretend that the space is really black and the stars are really white, and everything will be okay.

So there's a lot going on on the Patch. But that's not the worst of it. When I showed the Patch to my wife Mxxxxx, she hesitated for a moment and then said, very dryly, "From a style standpoint... it's a very big patch."

I took that to mean that it would only work on a very big shirt, jacket, duffel bag or "Go" bag. Unless... I have a pair of old jeans with the knee torn out. Every time I see those jeans I think, "Dang, those old jeans would still be good if I could just find a patch big enough to sew over that tear." Problem solved.

And that's why I'm a Certified MUFON Field Investigator.