High Strangeness: Breaking The Law For MUFON

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Breaking The Law For MUFON

I knew that being a Certified MUFON Field Investigator was going to be fun, but I didn't know it was going to be Breaking The Law fun!

I was looking through the MUFON Field Investigator's Manual today and was mysteriously drawn to the "Special Cases" section in the back of the binder. I guess they put it in the back because they want you to get a firm grounding in the basic stuff up front before you move on to "Special Cases," but as I fully intend to make every case special, I decided to skip ahead.

Page 197 turned out to be a veritable cornucopia of specialness, for on this page I found entries for "Animal Mutilations," "Crop Circles," and "Crashed UFO." I have a fondness for each of these topics, but "Crashed UFO" really got me going. Would MUFON really send me, the greenest rookie on the force, out to investigate a UFO crash? Actually no, because the Manual makes the interesting assumption that I have discovered this crash on my own!

Hell yea!  

"In the event that the investigator learns of the existence and location of a crashed UFO, he or she should assure that it is observed and photographed in the presence of witnesses of impeccable character," the Manual states. It further specifies that these impeccable characters should be "competent members of the local scientific community and the news media." I don't know... That may have worked in 1950's alien invasion films, when it always seemed there was a scientist sitting around somewhere nearby, ready to be an impeccable witness (see image below), but I have found that in real life there are seldom any scientists available in my area.

This man can explain anything.
But, assuming I could scrape together an impeccable scientist and representative of the news media, what would I do then? MUFON is very clear on the matter: First, I must not contact any local, state or federal authorities until I have gathered all available physical evidence and documented the entire incident. Second, I must conceal all my documentation and evidence from said authorities. Third, should the military be called in, I must not reveal the existence of said physical evidence and documentation to the military.

"It is assumed that the military would treat the overall matter as National Security information and would seek to impound any and all evidence associated with the crashed object," the Manual states. "Every effort must be taken not to relinquish the evidence to the military if at all possible." I'm sure there's a paragraph later in the section explaining how MUFON will stop at nothing and spare no expense to get my ass out of the military prison I've been thrown into for concealing evidence, but I haven't found it yet.

Oh, what am I griping about? I'd take the risk of military prison to conceal evidence of a UFO crash from the military! How cool would that be? I'd be, like, the most famous person in the world for a few minutes, and I'd probably be named MUFON International Director for life.

Do I expect to discover a crashed UFO? Maybe not right away, but I'm in this for the long haul, and I don't think there's anyone more deserving.

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